Can we talk for real for a moment about isolation after pregnancy?
I frequently speak with new moms about the rollercoaster of emotions that many women experience after having a baby.
I would like to take a moment to separate this from postpartum depression or anxiety. Those things need to be treated with medication, this is not that, it’s just one of those feelings that some women experience after birth.
I had beautiful labors surrounded by people I love. I felt well taken care of by my midwives and the family that visited in the few days after my second was born, but it was when all that went away that I felt so isolated.
My husband was hard-working, and at the time, was the sole provider for the family. He worked long, busy hours, and just wasn’t physically available often. My second was born in November, the winter where it snowed like 12 feet. I was alone, in a tiny house, in the cold with two kids under 17 months. I was bored out of my freaking mind and didn’t know where to turn.
My mom, lovingly from her warm vacation home in Florida, suggested that I just meet some other moms at the park. It’s not easy walking up to some woman at a playground and expecting that just because she has a kid my kid’s age that she’ll A. want to hang out, and B. be someone who I find interesting. It felt like middle school all over again. It was such a weird thing for me, I was used to making friends easily, so why now that I have two kids hanging off of me was it so hard to ask if the other mom wanted to play? Maybe it was because I was a milk-stained mess? Maybe it was because having kids can be so difficult schedule-wise that it almost seems not worth it? Whatever it was, I felt isolated and bored.
Finally, I found a couple of moms who I could walk with when I needed to get out of the house. They lived close to me and we put the kids in the strollers and literally walk for miles. We all needed the fresh air, the kids were generally well behaved in the stroller, and we had fun getting to know each other. Ten years later I am so thankful that I found them, they’ve become part of my biggest support system and definitely carried me through the infant and toddler years.
So, if any of this resonates with you, we’d like to extend an invitation to our meet up. It’s just one hour each month, but we’d love to have you! Also, feel free to shoot us an email and we’ll help connect you to other moms in the area who may also want a pal to help her survive the winter because I don’t know if you’ve heard, but it’s snowing again. And if you’re really struggling, our postpartum doulas will be happy to come over and offer some company and help you create a path to feeling like someone other than just mom.